While I have always been taught that God is faithful, and have always believed He is faithful, I never thought to stop and think about what that actually looks like in real life, with real circumstances that can seem so overwhelming at times. For the first time in my life I feel like I am at a place with God where I know that I can ask him questions, serious questions, and He wont get mad at me or leave me. I know He is here to stay. It has taken me a long time to get to this place with him. But when I saw this piece of scripture, it confirmed to me and became real to me that my questions don't change who He is. He is not threatened by me asking sincere and honest questions about life. That my questions don't some how take anything away from him. Also, that God wants our honesty, he wants us to come to him with honest hearts. That is how we grow and learn. He knows our hearts and minds anyway, right, might as well be up front with it so He can help! The scripture is found in Hebrews 4:15-16, it's talking about Jesus:
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."This says to me that because of Jesus, I can confidently, and some versions say boldly, approach Gods throne to find his mercy and grace for anything that I need! Beautiful!
A few weeks ago I allowed some circumstances to overwhelm me. I began to put most of my focus on it instead of Jesus, and I allowed my emotions to begin to dictate my actions and thoughts. It was messy and hard, and thankfully I have an amazing supportive husband who kept me grounded, and was there with me to talk it through, encourage me, and pray with me as I desperately searched for answers from God. I began to think about us and what we were dealing with, and many of our friends who have been faced with such difficult things this past year, and it lead me to this question: "OK God, I know you are faithful, but what does that mean? What does that look like when real life happens. Things that are out of our control that seem so unfair, so unjust. God, what does it mean?" I was completely broken, and in a place where I believe others in this same place have decided to turn and walk away from God, because their mind could not make sense with what their heart was saying. For the first time in my life, I felt that. I knew in my heart that God is faithful, I knew in my heart he had a way, a plan for us. That his plan is good, but my mind could not understand that when I was looking at what was going on. And my mind wanted desperately to make sense of it all, it demanded answers, it demanded justice. I was in the most vulnerable place spiritually. I felt like what I believed was crashing around me, I was broken. But grace cried out to my heart, and grace pulled me into a place of safety, security, and support from the arms of my Abba Father. A place where I could cry out to God and ask in complete brokenness and desperation, "God, what is your heart for me and my family?! God, show me your heart." It is here, in this place that He began to show me things I have never fully understood. I believe God allowed me to get to this place for this very reason. It is essential for the life of any believer to be able to grasp the meaning of God's faithfulness. And as I reached out to friends, I found I am not the only one who has wrestled with this very question. It's not a question of is God faithful, but what is faithfulness? I began searching in my bible for scripture on faithfulness, and found so many! As I began to read some of them and write them down, my mind began to understand my heart. It was an amazing thing :) There are so many, but here a just a few of my favorites:
"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Duet 7:9
"For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love." Psalm 33:4-5
"For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord." Psalm 117:2
One night in the midst of this before I went to bed, I prayed for God to show me something in a dream that would reveal his heart for my family. That night I had a horrible dream. I will spare most of the details, but it was of Chad and I, and our kids. Chad and I were fighting, we were hurling insults at each other, talking to each other so disrespectfully. We were fighting about drugs, finding out that we were both addicted....it was awful. It was the complete opposite of what our life is like. I woke up that morning thinking about it, and I heard the Lord say, "that is a snapshot of your life with out me in it." Wow... humbled, amazed, grateful, thankful....yes! The Lord then began to show me all of the things in my life that He has given us, blessed us with, things that I have not even seen. I was so busy looking at the things I didn't have and praying for the blessings I wanted, I didn't see or even thank God for everything He has given us. Including my marriage that would be nothing, and possibly non-existent with out God. My children who are beautiful, healthy, and love Jesus. Our life and time together, our interactions, our memories we have together...blessed beyond words. So much sometimes I could just weep, because I now know what it could be like if it weren't for Jesus. If it were not for God's faithfulness to us, His love for us, His mercy, His grace, we would not have Jesus. We would not have a hope, a future. So what does God's faithfulness look like? It looks like Jesus. It's his love and faithfulness to us that made a way, a plan for us, even when we deserve the pit we put ourselves into, Jesus made a way out. It means a steadfast love that wont ever leave, or stop. It will never let us go or let us down. It means blessings beyond our imagination, joy and peace in the midst of life's circumstances. It doesn't mean that things will always work out the way we think they should. It doesn't mean that the road will be easy, in fact I can guarantee it will be bumpy, and there will be hurdles and obstacles to overcome, but because of Jesus we can overcome them, and we can push on to victory, knowing that the faithfulness of God has made a way for us through Jesus. It means no matter what, He will never leave us or forsake us.
