Post Summer Bliss

Hey all!  Its been a really long time since I've taken time to write.  I've thought about it for the last several months.  I've missed it.  I've missed hearing from all of you.  Honestly, I got completely sucked into the vortex of being a mom... crazy, chaotic, mind sucking, energy depleting, day to day mom stuff.  So even though my heart wanted to be here writing and sharing, my brain was in a constant fog, and I barley had enough energy to drag my butt up the stairs to bed each night after taking care of every one here.  In those times I find I tend to want to pull away and hide, because the person I become is really no fun to be around.  So I disconnect.  I just don't have the energy to give to anyone else, or anything else. I refer to that person as "summer mom".  Let me tell you about summer mom.  Summer mom is crabby, short tempered, exhausted beyond belief and is just trying to survive her days.  Summer mom spends her day in the car driving to another grocery store to buy more groceries because all 4 kids eat like they are never going to eat again, all day... or in the kitchen cooking for the umpteenth time.  Summer mom is constantly yelling "close the door, the ac is on and I don't want the mosquitoes coming in!", and "what are you crying about now?!" and "for the love, keep your hands to yourself!!!"  Summer mom lives on coffee and red wine... my dental hygienist will probably be thrilled to get to clean all that off my teeth because there is no flossing in the summer.  I brush my teeth, throw some apple cider vinegar on my face to hopefully keep wrinkles away, and fall into bed every night.  There is no energy to floss.....summer mom is a mess.  I hate feeling like that, but the upside is I survived!  My kids survived summer mom.  My husband survived summer mom.... yikes...  he deserves a medal.  Now, everyone is currently healthy, happy, and in school.  Can I get a Hallelujah?!  Hello Fall Mom.  I love fall mom!  Fall mom is full of joy and wonder because it feels like the beginning of a new season.  Yes literally a new season is coming, but more than that, a new season of life.  Fall mom has energy again.  Fall mom doesn't' have to break up arguments every 30 seconds, or live in the kitchen.  Fall mom gets to watch the morning news while drinking warm coffee.  Fall mom gets to have a social life again.  Fall mom gets her brain back... and it feels amazing.  This is the 1st year all 4 of my kids are in school.  My youngest is in preschool 3 mornings a week, and he loves it.  I didn't cry when I dropped him off, but it did feel weird.  It's the end of an era for me.  For the last 13 years my job has been raising kids.  I am at the beginning of the end of that.  Of course I'm still raising kids, but there is a difference between having them home 24/7 and having them in school for the day.  This is new to me.  For the last couple of weeks I've felt like I needed to rediscover myself.  I lost some of me in that vortex of mom stuff.  Anyone else? 

So, I've been wondering what's next for me?  Our bank account says "get a job", but my heart says study, write, learn.  Press in to what God is doing in this new season in your life.  Embrace it fully.  Give yourself to what the Holy Spirit is speaking.  So I am saying yes to my heart.  As I've sat down with a few people over the last few weeks and listened to what is going on in their lives, I'm more convinced now than ever, that this is the time for authenticity.  People are hungry for genuine, authentic, transparent people.  To see that other people are real and going through stuff too.  To see and hear how we apply our faith to messy situations.  To learn where we find God in the midst of pain, rejection, doubts, fears, and difficult relationships.  I definitely don't have many answers right now.  In fact, I would say I have more questions than answers.  There is a lot that I talk to God about.  There are many things I just don't understand right now.  But I would love to process and walk this out with those of you that would like to join me.  I've thought a lot about this blog and what its purpose is.  When I started writing in January, I knew I needed to share my story of facing my pain and walking through my healing.  I have heard from so many of you who were touched and blessed by my honesty and transparency.  Going forward, my hope for this blog is for it to continue to be the real, honest, and transparent me.  My intent is not to give answers and advice, but to share what I am learning.  My hope is that some of it may challenge some of you in the way you think about things.  Or inspire you to have an open and honest dialogue with God about the things you have circling around in your head.  So here's my invitation to you - lets stop pretending we are all ok, and we have it all together.  Lets stop performing for each other and God, trying to earn approval or love.  Lets be real.  Lets face the pain we carry.  Lets face challenging questions head on.  Lets walk this out, together.  Are you with me?  Or maybe you aren't ready to do any of that and you want to hang out and just read.  I'm so ok with that.  My request is that any dialogue that may happen through this is done with the utmost respect and honor for one another.  You may not like what I have to say, and I'm good with that.  I'd love to hear your perspectives, as well.  I do believe there is a way to talk and share with respect and love.  We all come from different walks of life.  We've all had different experiences, different teaching, different upbringing, different everything.  That's what makes us all so unique.  We certainly don't have to agree with one another to love each other.  So if you're willing to commit with me to love and respect, then join me in open, honest, transparent discussion.  I'm excited for what God is going to teach us this season.  I'm so hungry to grow and learn.  There's a hunger inside of me that I've never had before.  There's a stirring in my spirit.  How about you?  Where are you this season?  What are the things that are stirring around in your head and heart?  What are you talking to God about? 

I love all of you!  Thank you for reading, and thank you for joining me on my journey 😊