What's a Mom to do?!

I learned a difficult, but valuable lesson the last few weeks.  Honestly, it's a lesson I've learned before, but for some reason it just didn't stick the first couple hundred times :)  I'm really hoping that if I write it down, that I will remember it so I don't have to learn it again!!  Let me start by saying I love my children, and I love being home with them, most of the time.  But lets just be honest, there are times when I don't love it, don't like it, and want to be anywhere but home.  Come on, I know I'm not the only stay at home mom who has had those days.  And you now what, it's OK to say that!  Lets just be honest with each other, being at home with kids all day everyday is HARD!!  While it is the most rewarding job, and it brings a heart more joy than I could comprehend, the day to day tasks of raising children, primarily disciplining children, can at times feel like an uphill battle.  Last week, I found myself in a pit.  I felt like the harder I tried to dig my way out, the further I fell down.  I came to a place of complete and total brokenness as a mom ( which is where my previous post "Blood Stained Grace" came from).  My 4 year old precious daughter, Hannah, has reached a place in her life where she feels the need to push every single boundary her loving parents have set for her.  She is what some may call, strong-willed!  I look at her sometimes and wonder "where did you come from?"  Any of you who really know me, especially my mom, dad, and sisters, are probably laughing because it is clear that she directly inherited that trait from her mother!  Anyway, it felt like everything with her was a battle, and I mean everything.  She was sweet and polite, until I asked her to do something.  Then oh my goodness, look out!  Here came the attitude!  I mean she had that look in her eyes, hands on the hips, and a sassy "No, I don't want to."  And me, being the strong-willed mother that I am,  looked right back at her with the "what did you just say to me" look, and the battle was on.  There where days when I spent more time disciplining Hannah, than anything else!  By the end of the day, I was a mess!  I was moody, angry, and just exhausted.  I felt like no matter what I did, nothing was working!!  I was ready to throw in the towel and give up.  But I just couldn't.  I love Hannah far too much to allow her to live her life with this defiance towards her parents.  I explained to her that only destruction will come into her life with that attitude.  And that mommy and daddy love her too much to let her walk through life like that.  We want God's best for all of our children, all of His blessings poured out on them.  But we know that will only happen if they walk in obedience to their parents, and their God.  I was heartbroken for my daughter, and at a total loss as to what to do.  There was no way I could continue to battle with this girl day in and day out.  I wouldn't last.  Plus, I had hardly any quality time with my boys since my attention was occupied with Hannah.  And, my poor husband, who by the way is so sweet and so understanding and supportive, only got my unloading and my wrath at the end of the day.  Not so good for a marriage either!  So, as I've been thinking about and praying about my girl, and what to do, I heard from the Lord clear as day, "Marissa, why don't you just ask me for help?"  It was so simple, yet so profound at the same time!!  I looked back over the last few weeks to try to figure out what happened.  Here I have a loving God, who holds the universe in the palm of His hand.  Who has the resources of heaven at His disposal.  Created the earth and everything in it, including my daughter.  And instead of me reaching out to Him for help, especially in a time where I needed Him the most, I pushed him away.  In my foolishness and my pride, I pretty much told God, "I've got this one, Lord.  Thanks but no thanks."  And in doing so created utter and complete chaos in my house.  Why do we do that?  Why would we turn down the help of our creator, our God?  Why do we think that we can somehow do it better than Him, when time and time again we mess it up?  I've learned that God cares about the details of our lives.  He cares about the nitty-gritty of our crazy days.  Not only does He care, He wants desperately to be a part of those details.  He wants to help.  All we have to do it ask! 
1 Corinthians 9 says this, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  God is not looking for perfect moms, perfect wives, or perfect women.  He is simply looking for us to admit that we can't do it on our own.  That we need Him everyday.  I'm thinking about my power compared to God's power....um, I'd really rather have the power of the God of universe working through me than mine!! I don't want to live a life where I try to portray that I have it all together, but at home I feel like more often than not I'm literally just trying to survive my days.  I'm not enjoying my kids like I'd like to, and we just aren't having any fun!  I am choosing to say to the Lord everyday, "God, I need your help!!  Please pour out your grace over me and my children today!"  I know we will still have hard days, but at the end of the day I want to be able to look back and see the evidence of the Holy Spirit in our day!